every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
