Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
