Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
