He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
