I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
