Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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