"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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