forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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