party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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