the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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