why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
