help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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