Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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