We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
