Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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