we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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