I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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