I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
