So gin and wine won't be happening again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
