New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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