is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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