Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need to get me chipped asap
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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