I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
