so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just high enough for therapy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
