Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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