I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
