Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
