he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
