Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
