when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
