the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
