dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
