Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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