Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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