We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So much rum. So many feels.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
