Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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