at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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