I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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