the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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