M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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