This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
