Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
