Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
