she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
