To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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