I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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