For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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