whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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