I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
