I can text with my tongue
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
